The Missing Words II
by angelsinstead
Summary: Marty and Todd struggle with their pain and heartache after losing their son William.
1. Anguish

Anguish

Her heart was heavy with anguish. Everywhere she looked, she saw children. She had just started her internship at the hospital where she came into close contact with expectant mothers and sick children on a daily business. Sometimes it weighed upon her already anguished heart, that there were so many children in the world, but her precious little son was gone. Every time she thought of losing William, her heart would break just a little bit more.

She and Todd were at different stages in their grief. Her pain was still so raw, but Todd seemed to be at the point of accepting. He could remember William fondly and smile. In contrast, she still had long periods of weeping and intense anger which would eat at her soul and threatened to steal all her happiness. She was thankful for her work at the hospital as it gave her something worthwhile to focus on despite all her grief.

"Marty? Are you alright?" a voice questioned.

Marty looked up to see Dr. Larry Wolek approach as he placed a gentle hand upon her shoulder. "You've been looking at that patient's chart for the last ten minutes," Dr. Wolek said with concern.

"I'm sorry," Marty responded. "I was only thinking of William."

"I know you miss him so much. It's only three months since you lost him," Dr. Wolek said gently. "I want you to know you're special to me. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here for you."

"Th-thank you, Larry. That means so much to me," Marty stated as her voice broke.

"You know, Marty, when Meredith and I lost our baby girl, it took a very long time for us to heal. We still had her twin brother, Danny, but we missed our daughter with all our hearts. My wife never fully recovered... and I- well, let's just say there are times when my heart breaks all over again," Larry confided.

"Larry, how did you do it?" Marty asked. "How did you get passed the loss of your child?"

"I really don't know. It took a great deal of time. It helps to remember that my little girl Merrie was born with a purpose. She helped me have compassion in my work as a doctor. Because of Merrie, I was able to help others... like I helped you when you came to me and we discovered you have Lupus."

"What could be William's purpose?"

"I can't answer that question, Marty," Larry said as he gave her a gentle hug. "But I want you to know you're like a daughter to me, and I am here for you and Todd during this difficult time. How's Todd doing?"

"He- he's doing better than me," Marty responded.

"The sun will shine again, Marty. Someday it will," Larry promised her. Staring into his eyes, Marty hoped it was true. She and Todd had experienced enough rain to last a lifetime.


	2. Baby

Baby

The woman he loved was wasting away. Ever since the death of their son, she wasn't the same. She cried constantly, and she spent a great deal of her time in the nursery, immersing herself in all William's tiny belongings. Todd had done everything he could to reach her, but it was like he and Marty were trapped in different chapters of the grief process.

"Marty, are you okay?" Todd asked her when he saw her sitting in the rocking chair of William's room, holding the little stuffed zebra they kept tucked in his crib.

"I'm fine, Todd. Do you want me to make you dinner?" she said as she sat up quickly and put the zebra back in the crib.

"I- I don't know..." he said as he ran a hand through his hair. "Maybe we need to get out for awhile. How about we go out for dinner?"

Marty shook her head. "I don't really want to," she said sadly. "I might... I might see someone with a baby. I don't know if I could handle that, so soon after the loss of our son."

"I know you're really hurting, Marty. I am too, but maybe it's time we thought of our future... maybe it's time..." Todd said as he was staring at the baby crib.

"Maybe it's time we what?" Marty asked him.

"Well, either we pack up all this baby stuff and the crib... or maybe we could have another baby?" Todd suggested hopefully.

"What?" Marty gasped as though he had just insulted her.

"Come on, Marty. I want to have another child."

"I can't believe you are saying this, Todd. You never wanted William," she said as angry tears filled up her eyes. "You wanted me to have an abortion. You did not love our son."

"That isn't true, Marty ... and you know it. I did love our son... So much," he said as he took her hands into his. He stared into her eyes as he tried to reach her.

"I loved our little boy, but now he's gone... and you and I have to go on with our lives. It HURTS me to see you this way," Todd said sorrowfully.

"Then go! Get the fuck out!" Marty said as she pushed him away.

"I don't need you. I never needed you," she said as she started to cry.

Todd was hurt by her words, but still he loved her. He wanted to do whatever he could to reach her. When she collapsed by the baby crib and dissolved into her tears, Todd didn't know what to do. "It's gonna be alright, Marty. Somehow it will," he said quietly. He turned and walked away with tears in his eyes.


	3. Care

Care

Todd arrived at the hospital to talk to Marty's mentor. Larry was a constant source of friendship and comfort in Marty's life. He was like a father to her and an amazing friend. He truly cared about Marty, and he was willing to do anything for her.

"Todd, I am surprised to see you here," Larry said as Todd approached him outside the nurse's lounge of the hospital.

"Hi, Larry. I'm worried about Marty," Todd stated. "Could we talk?"

"Sure. I'm on my lunch break. How about a cup of coffee?"

"That sounds great," Todd agreed.

Over coffee, Larry and Todd discussed Marty's current state. "Larry, I need advise. I am afraid I am losing the woman I love," Todd said over his steaming mug of caffeine.

"You aren't losing her, Todd. She just needs time," Larry stated. "Time to process and time to heal."

"Do you think it would help if we had another baby?"

"I wouldn't advise that right now, considering Marty is so depressed. She just needs time to deal with the loss of the baby."

"I think you should take her off all cases involving babies, pregnant women, and small children until she feels a little better. She's an emotional mess right now... and I don't want her going off the deep end."

"Todd, have you considered adoption?"

"Why? Do you think that might help?" Todd asked.

"I don't know. At this point, anything's worth a try. Marty needs hope again, and something to believe in," said Larry. "I care about her very much... and all I want is to see her healthy and happy."

"I want that, too," Todd said with a sigh.


	4. Deserve

**Deserve**

"I want to talk to you about our son," Todd said to Marty as he approached the love seat where she was seated. "I want to talk to you about William."

Marty looked up from the book she had been reading. Her eyes caught on Todd's as she set her book aside. "What do you have to say about our son?" she asked him quietly.

"I'm upset about the argument we had the other night. Marty, I loved our son... and I am hurting, too."

"I know, Todd... and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you... and I shouldn't have said the awful things I said. I'm just... hurting so much."

Todd sat down next to her and took her hand in his. "I know, baby. I know you're hurting. I know you miss him... and I know this isn't fair. We didn't deserve to lose our son," Todd said to her.

"I hurt so much without him," Marty said brokenly. "Nothing's the same... and I don't- don't know what to do with my life now that he's no longer in it."

"I know. We gave so much to him. Our baby boy was our world. He's gone now... and nothing's the same," Todd agreed.

"I still have my job at the hospital... and I am thankful for that. But this house is so empty without our William."

Todd nodded, agreeing with her every word. "Marty, about that-," he spoke cautiously.

"You aren't going to ask me to have another baby again, are you, Todd? Because I'm not ready for that..."

"No, I was just going to say... maybe we should adopt?"

"We can't replace our son."

"I know we could never replace him... but we could help another child who is lost and in need of a home. It could give our lives purpose and meaning again. We deserve that," Todd spoke to her gently. "I'm not asking you to forget William. I would never ask that of you."

Tears filled Marty's eyes when she heard Todd's words. She looked like she could fall apart at any moment. "I don't know, Todd," she answered sadly.

"Just think about it, baby. I won't push you into this. But we do need something to believe in again... something worthwhile in our lives after losing our son. Just think about it," he urged her.

"Okay," she said softly as she squeezed his hand.


	5. Elusive

**Elusive**

The more Marty thought of adopting a child, the more she started to warm up to the idea. William was gone, but there may be another child in the world who needed her and Todd. That other child might be scared, lonely, and in need of a loving and stable home. She and Todd still had a lot to offer a child. Why not adopt a little one in need? She had grown up unwanted in her Aunt Kiki's care after her parents had died, and Todd had grown up abused by Peter Manning. She wanted to save a lost little child of a similar fate.

"Todd, I have been thinking..." she said as she approached him one night after dinner. "I have given a lot of thought to the idea of us adopting a child."

Todd gazed at her with interest. A smile slowly appeared on his face. He had known Marty would relent. She had a heart full of love, and he knew that someday she'd want to share that love with a child again.

"What did you decide, babe?" Todd asked.

"I'm sorry I hurt you," she said as she took his hand in hers and leaned into the strength of his body. "You were hurting so much, too after we lost William... and you only wanted to help me."

Gently Todd caressed the hair away from Marty's face so he could look deeply into her eyes. "I could forgive you anything," he said to her tenderly. "I love you so much, Marty. And I want you to be happy."

"I want you to be happy, too," she said as she softly kissed him. "I want to do this. I want to adopt a child with you. But I don't really want it to be a baby. An older child might be better... after ... after losing William."

"I understand," Todd said as he continued to caress her hair.

"I'm just so afraid," she whispered. "Our dreams of having a child seem so elusive now. I am agreeing to this while scared out of my mind. I'm scared of losing another child and allowing myself to bond with him or her. What if we lose this child, too?"

"I guess that's the risk you take when you love someone," Todd replied. "But I wouldn't trade one moment that we had with William. Every minute that we had with our son was so precious."

"You're right," Marty agreed. She wrapped her arms around Todd and melted into the solid strength of his body.

"Make love to me," she whispered.

Todd's eyes lit up at her words. They had hardly been intimate since their son's death. Todd hadn't wanted to push her. The grief they had been immersed in had been so very consuming. There had been so little time for loving.

"Are you sure?" he whispered against her lips.

"Very sure," she replied as she wrapped her arms around him.

He pulled her against his chest and carried her off to bed.


	6. Friendship

**Friendship **

"Where's Marty?" Todd asked as he walked into the hospital and approached Larry.

"She went on her lunch break with a few of her friends," Larry replied.

"When's she coming back?"

"She should be back in about a half hour," stated Larry. "Todd, I need to talk to you about something."

"What's up?" Todd asked.

"You know you asked me to take Marty off of all cases involving babies, pregnant mothers, and little children?"

"Yes, I remember."

"I did as you suggested... and Marty seems to be doing much better. She's finally coming out of the darkness," Larry told Todd.

"I know. Things are going much better for us at home, too."

"I'm glad, Todd. Marty deserves some happiness. You both do," said Larry. "There's just one thing..."

"What's that?"

"There was a little girl admitted here to the hospital a few days ago. She's been badly abused and I have been treating her."

"That's terrible," Todd said as a look of pain overtook his face. He couldn't stand the thought of a child being mistreated. He loved kids, and he'd been through hell as a child at the hands of his father.

"Yeah, this little girl is really suffering... and I think that Marty could help her."

"Ohhh Larry, I dunno. I am not sure if Marty could handle working with a child right now. She's just now starting to overcome her depression."

"I don't want Marty to work with her. I was hoping you'd like to meet the little girl and eventually, you and Marty might consider adopting her. She needs a loving home."

"I don't know, Larry. Maybe it's too soon. I don't want to push Marty before she's ready."

"Just think about it, Todd. She's two and a half years old... and she's been through physical and emotional hell. She was abused and neglected... and she needs two parents to love her."

Once again, Todd's heart ached for the innocent little girl. "Alright, Larry. I'd like to meet her. Then I will talk to Marty and get back to you."


	7. Gifts

**Gifts **

Todd felt nervous as Dr. Larry took him to the children's wing of the hospital to meet the little girl. She was laying in a hospital bed that seemed way too big for her tiny body. The first thing Todd noticed about her were here expressive blue eyes. They were the color of a midnight sky on a clear summer's night.

"Hello, Tara," said Dr. Larry to the dark-haired child. "There's someone I'd like you to meet. This is Todd."

Tara looked at Todd with those amazing blue eyes of hers. "Hi," she said in a sweet little voice.

"How old are you, Tara?" Todd asked.

"She's two and half," Larry spoke when Tara didn't answer.

"Todd, would you like to read Tara this book? It's her favorite story," Larry offered as he handed Todd a storybook.

"Yeah, I'd love to read her the book," Todd agreed as he gave Tara a smile. He opened the book and began reading. Listening intently, Tara smiled as Todd began reading her the fairy tale.

"You were great with her," Larry said to Todd as they talked later out in the hallway.

"She's a cutie," Todd replied. "Larry, what exactly did her parents do to her?"

"Well, Todd, when child services found her, she was showing signs of severe neglect. Her mother is a young runaway and addicted to drugs and alcohol. She didn't give Tara proper care. They were found living in a cheap motel. Obviously Tara didn't have enough to eat... and there were bruises all over her body."

"Marty's heart will be broken when she hears this. I think she'll want to come meet Tara right away," Todd stated. "I'm going to go talk to her now."

"Good luck, Todd," said Larry.

~x~

Marty was surprised when Todd approached her near the nurse's station. "What's going on, Todd?" she asked. "I just got back from my lunch break, and I can't really talk, because-."

"Marty, there's a little girl here in the hospital. She was abused... and I'd like you to meet her," Todd explained. "Will you come with me to her room?"

Marty hesitated, looking into Todd's eyes. A child had been hurt. How could she refuse when a child was in need?

"Sure, Todd. I'll go meet her," Marty quietly agreed.


	8. Hope

**Hope **

Tara was watching Care Bears on the T.V. set in her hospital room when Marty walked in with Todd. "Hi, Tara," Marty said as she approached the little angel lying in the hospital bed. "What are you watching on T.V.?"

Tara didn't answer as she gave Marty a beautiful smile. As she resumed watching her cartoons, her eyes lit up at the antics of the animated characters on the screen. "She's adorable," Marty whispered to Todd.

"What...what happened to her?" Marty asked as she saw the fading bruises on Tara's little arms and face.

"The police aren't really sure," Todd quietly explained. "But her mother is young and addicted to drugs. She wasn't getting proper care. She's been neglected and abused."

"No," Marty said sadly as she gazed at the sweet little girl. She felt an immediate bond to Tara that she could not explain. It was if she felt destined to care for this particular child.

"Todd, do you think we could get temporary custody with Child Services and see where it goes?"

"You really want her to come home with us, Marty?" Todd asked eagerly.

"Yes, as soon as she's well enough. She needs someone to love her," Marty said as she gave Todd a hug.

"I knew you'd love her the moment you saw her," Todd said as he pulled her close and kissed her hair.


	9. Instantaneous

**Instantaneous**

Todd and Marty arrived home with Tara just after her release from the hospital. Tara had been released into their care. They were now her guardians with the option to adopt as long as Tara's teenage mother would relinquish her rights.

Todd carried Tara inside the foyer and set her down upon her tiny feet. "This is your home now," he said to Tara. "You will live here, with Marty and me."

Marty got down to Tara's level and gave her a tender smile. "This is your house, Tara. Todd and I are going to take care of you. You can call us Mommy and Daddy."

Tara clutched the storybook Dr. Larry had given her tight against her chest. She looked worried as she glanced around her new surroundings. She didn't know what to think of Todd and Marty's big house and she longed to go back to the hospital where she felt safe.

"Tara, would you like to see your new room, sweetheart?" Marty asked.

"Come on. We'll show you," Todd said eagerly.

Todd and Marty took Tara upstairs and showed her the bedroom they had fixed up for her, complete with a princess toddler bed, a doll house, and a cute pink poodle which sat on the bed waiting for her. "What do you think?" Todd asked as Tara looked around the room.

Tara didn't say anything, but dropped the storybook at the end of the bed and picked up the pink poodle. She cuddled it in her arms and kissed the top of it's head. "Puppy," she said with a little smile.

"I think she likes it," said Todd as he looked at Marty.

Marty smiled as Tara hugged her new stuffed animal. She wanted to make Tara at home here and make her feel safe. Tara had already been through far too much in her young life.

Marty's love for Tara was instantaneous. She could sense Tara's fear and apprehension. She wanted to make Tara feel comfortable. "Would you like to come downstairs now for some milk and cookies?" Marty asked.

Tara nodded, offering Marty her tiny hand. Together, the three of them headed downstairs for a snack.

Tara got along well all day, but when it was bedtime, she began to have terrors. She clung to Marty and did not want to lie down in her bed. "It's okay, Tara. We'll keep the nightlight on," Todd promised.

Still, Tara was afraid. Finally, they got her settled and headed off to their room. They didn't sleep long until they were awakened to Tara's screams. "No! Nooooooo!" the little girl cried out.

Todd and Marty soon discovered that Tara had many issues stemming from her abuse. She had nightmares and feared abandonment. She often had emotional outbursts. They had a long, hard road ahead of them as they tried to help Tara and make her feel secure.

"Todd, will she be alright?" Marty whispered as they stood over the little girl's bed as she was sleeping. It had taken almost two hours to get her settled.

"Yes, she needs to get some rest," Todd answered. "And so do we. Let's go to bed, Marty."

"Okay," she said with a heavy sigh.


End file.
